Hi, I'm Biscuit..

♥

2008-03-08T04:40:01Z

Today was pretty good...
Work was horrible and I can't stand being in this house, but since I got to hang out with him, everything seemed to work out just fine. I'm still broke, still helpless, still a little sad, still envious (though not so much anymore), still panicking about all the stuff I feel like I NEED to do, and still thinking on giving up on this "family;" however, despite all these, the time I spent hanging out with the most important person in my life - no matter how short it might have been - seemed enough to help me breathe a little. The moment I stepped into this house, I was pulled back into reality yet just the memory of how it felt being with him is enough to keep me smiling. Yes, I'm broke and I probably have no way of getting to school at all this week, but that doesn't really matter right now. Like he said, everything will work out just fine. All I have to do is be patient. In any case, I know that I can always count on him better than I can count on the people I used to call my "family." At least he doesn't shove every little favor I ask of him right in my face nor does he ever make me feel like shit for asking for his help in the first place. In my heart, he's my family... him and all the nameless strangers who've been so kind to me all my life. They never asked for anything in return, all they wanted to do was to make me happy, to make me smile for a single moment. And for that, I will forever be grateful to them. I wish they know how much they've made a difference in my life.

In other news...
I need money, just so I can continue taking the bus to school everyday because otherwise, I do not know how I'm gonna get there. I'm being tempted to submit an application to Suicide Girls. I found an ad that said they'd pay $500 for each photoset submitted but obviously, I have to be a SG first. The money does sound good but I'm not entirely sure that posing nude / half-naked is really my thing. It's not that I'm not comfortable with my body, but I'm just not sure if I'm okay with it morally. Hmmm... tough choice. I guess I'll keep looking around for other options. When I get really desperate, then that's when I'll do it.

I guess that's it for tonight. I need the other half hour before 12 to squeeze in some decent WoW time.. Hehe..

Good night!

I'll whisper it to the wind, hoping it'll get to you..

2008-03-07T03:43:37Z

I don't want to be just friends... You have lots of friends already and they're all more awesome than I could ever be...

Why can't we just be together again? That way I can feel special again...

- Biscuit

biscuitsjournal @ 2008-03-06T17:05:00

2008-03-06T22:08:38Z

I'm so scared.
Everything's just not falling into place, no matter how hard I try.
I'm fucked.

And above all this....
I still can't stop thinking of him....

Dear Guy,

2008-03-06T17:29:45Z

I like you - way too much, I think.
Just sitting next to you makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
When we're together, I could care less about anything - because you're really all I care about.
When you're not next to me, I feel so sad and lonely. It feels as if the world is about to end.
I want to not care; I really do.
But it hurts me more pretending that I don't care about you.
I think I love you.
I'm just too scared to admit it because you might not feel the same way.

I wish I could tell you all this.
I wish I could tell you how I feel.
I wish I could be like your friends who can tell you anything and everything.
I wish you could have as much fun with me as you do with your friends.
I wish you thought I'm awesome and cool like your friends.
Then again I can only wish.
Same way I can only post this anonymously because I can never tell you these things.
I don't know exactly why and what I'm so afraid of.
I just know I can't.... even though I've never tried.

LOVE,
Biscuit

....

2008-03-06T16:23:11Z

I wonder if he hates me too...